CES 2014: The biggest gig in Vegas. Take that, Celine Dion

I said to prepare for an apocalypse occasion at the world’s biggest zoo. It is my first tour to CES. The man next to me on the plane said to me it was ‘a pain in the ass.’ The cabbie that brought is from the airport to the Strip said it was, with 100,000 attendees, the main and biggest show in Vegas. So, I prepared. For the past month, I have been on a routine of vitamins, nasal steroids, & list-making. I have lists of lists. I have programs, highlighted spreadsheets, color-coded maps for every day, all printed out & stapled. My “mother purse” is a calculated mini-bunker of Band-Aids for blisters, pills for each conceivable ailment, and wet wipes for each surface & body piece. I’m an Eagle Scout. I am a killer. I am Jack Ryan. I am as well big to fail. The press room manager is backstage, revealing me a map of the conference rooms. Just the conference rooms in the south hall of the meeting center. The map covers the wall above a long folding bench.